July 11, 2009

Saturday, July 11, 2009 8:40 AM, EDT

Geneva was moved to her new floor and new room yesterday and out of ICU! Praise God! I was able to move in with her. I got virtually no sleep but it was such a blessing to be near her and to comfort her and change her diaper when she needed. One hour she was particularl

y fussy and nothing I did seemed to console her. The nurse walked in and pointed out her diaper was dirty! We had to chuckle a little. I mean, how many children do I have? You would think I could have thought to check! :-)

I am concerned about something else. Three times in one hour last night, she began to have an odd "shake" to her. It looked somewhere between hiccups and a seizure. She did it one other time during the night but stopped when she was swaddled and the nurse thought it might be because she was cold. She just did it again right now. Each time she does it, her oxygen levels seem to drop slightly and it's only her left leg that shakes and not the right and she moans right before it happens. Something in my mommy instinct is just telling me it's not right.

She also has a tendency to not make as much eye contact as she used to. They've changed her pain medicine to oxycodone and it might have something to do with that. However, she only received 2 doses yesterday and she could have received 12. We don't want her to be in pain and the chest tubes are very painful but at the same time, we want to be careful that she only receives as much medicine as she really needs.

We were told that we might be going home as early as Tuesday or Wednesday. Our next major obstacle is for her to have her chest tubes removed. It appeared as though one might have been removed today but I was just informed that her platelets have always been very low. They were hanging out around 35 but have dropped to 25. Once they hit 20, she'll need a transfusion. Until those are more stable, the chest tubes will remain. After those are out, we can hold her and I can begin to try and allow her to breastfeed. Despite all the wonderful help from friends, I'm just not very successful at getting the milk from me to the bottle. Right now every other bottle is breastmilk and every other one is formula. That is really frustrating. I've only used bottles one time and that was for our baby goats and lasted less than 48 hours before turning them loose to their mothers to feed them. I don't know who ever said bottle feeding was easier than breastfeeding but that is so not true. I think I'm going to ask if perhaps we give half the bottle breast milk and half formula.

I've been asked by several how I'm doing personally. Physically I'm a bit of a mess. My feet are so swollen that I can't feel them, even after keeping them elevated. The incision area hurts from the c-section and I have a couple of other issues. Emotionally? Well, that is really difficult to answer. I am so thankful that she is doing so well. Scared of what the future might hold. Hopeful because I trust in the Lord and His perfect plans. Sad for others we've known recently whose daughters are no longer with them. What if I do something wrong? What if I have to perform CPR on her? How long will she be with us? What kind of obstacles will she face? All of these are real and genuine concerns. No, I'm not perfect. I'm not a perfect Christian either but I've never claimed to be. And yet there are some who might read this and not understand this is coming straight from a mother's heart who is simply being honest and real.

The outpouring of love for us has been overwhelming and very much appreciated. We can never thank you all enough.